Now that you are ready to edit your paper, you should check to see if what you wrote is concise and cohesive. Concise writing improves the quality of writing by taking out extra unneeded words and eliminating stringy sentences. Cohesive writing helps the flow and eliminates choppiness. Now that you know why, let’s find out how to improve writing by making it concise and cohesive!
Make Your Writing Concise
1. Avoid not.
Change not to the suffix –less or to the antonym of the word that follows it.
- not at fault –> faultless
- not happy –> sad
- did not have –> lacked
- There is no reason not to believe –> There is reason to believe.
2. Avoid words that describe intensity.
Take out unnecessary intensifiers like very, many, a lot, kind of, some, various, and really. You can replace the phrase with a stronger adjective or just take the intensifier out.
- They are very happy. –> They are happy.
- They are really old. –> They are ancient.
- There are many tomatoes. –> There are tomatoes.
3. Avoid vague adverbs.
Search for words that end with –ly and check if you need them. You can delete the following: possibly, basically, practically, actually, virtually, and generally. You can also take out actual.
4. Avoid repetitive words.
Delete repetitive words. Here is a list of common phrases people use that could be replaced with only one of the words in the phrases:
- any and all
- each and every
- first and foremost
- terrible tragedy
- final outcome
- future plans
- free gift
- if and when
- aims and goals
- ready and willing
- aid and assistance
Here is an example of a sentence that can be shortened using this technique. You could keep either of the bold words. I just choose the shorter bold words incase you are trying to decrease character count:
Too long: If and when we can define our final aims and goals, each and every member of our group will be ready and willing to offer aid and assistance.
Much better: If we can define our final aims, each member of our group will be ready to offer aid.
5. Shorten -ing phrases.
- began studying –> studied
6. Shorten prepositional phrases.
Nothing explains what prepositions are better than this School House Rock video. Any phrase that uses these propositions can usually be shortened.
Strategy 1: Move the noun after the preposition to before the earlier noun.
- chemicals used in Freon –> Freon chemicals
- the choices in companies–> the company choices
- founder of Tesla –> Tesla founder
- methods of publicity –>publicity methods
- theory about emotion –> emotional theory
Strategy 2: Substitute commonly used phrases for these words.
- went to –> attended
- need to (has to) –> must
- in order to –> to
- to be able to –> to
- lure people in –> lure people
- the number of options –> the options
- a ridiculous amount of –> numerous
7. Shorten noun phrases.
- aerosol spray cans –> aerosol cans
8. Shorten long sentences.
Long sentences (30 or more words) are hard for readers to understand, especially you’re teachers that have to grade dozens of papers in a short amount of time.
Too Long: After earning his Ph.D., he went to the University of California, Irvine where he began studying industrial chemicals used in Freon (something common in coolants and aerosol spray cans) that accumulate in the atmosphere.
- went to –> attended
- began studying –> studied
- something common –> used
- industrial chemicals used in Freon –> Freon chemicals
- aerosol spray cans –> aerosol cans
- something common –> used
Just Right: After earning his Ph.D., he attended the University of California, Irvine where he studied Freon chemicals (used in coolants and aerosol cans) that accumulate in the atmosphere.
9. Remove “as.”
Move the verbs around to change comparison sentences to cause and effect sentences.
Original: As the transportation and communication speed increased, the number of options for consumers increased.
Better: The faster transportation and communication speed increased the number of options for consumers.
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Make Your Writing Cohesive
10. A subject should be in the previous sentence.
This is an example from a choppy paragraph:
Who in California has not swung at a piñata or listened to a sombrero clad mariachi band? In Mexican restaurants across the state, people eat tacos, enchiladas, ceviche (pieces of fish soaked in lime juice) and flan (baked custard dessert).
To write cohesively, start by looking at the subject in each sentence. The first sentence is about people in California. The second sentence is about Mexican restaurants. This is choppy because the subject of the second sentence is not even mentioned in the first sentence. Since the people of California are mentioned in both sentences, we can use that as the linking subject. So try moving the people of California to the beginning of the second sentence to make it the subject.
Who in California has not swung at a piñata or listened to a sombrero clad mariachi band? People across the state eat at Mexican restaurants that serve tacos, enchiladas, ceviche (pieces of fish soaked in lime juice) and flan (baked custard dessert).
Now that you have two cohesive sentences, let’s see if we can make a whole paragraph cohesive.
12. Subjects should relate to each other.
All the subjects (underlined) have to do with Mario Molina and his ideas, except in one sentence.
Born in Mexico City in 1943, Mario Molina became fascinated with chemistry. After studying in Mexico, Germany, and France, Molina went to the University of California, Berkeley where he earned his Ph.D. He then worked at the University of California, Irvine where he studied Freon chemicals (used in coolants and aerosol cans) that buildup in the atmosphere. He discovered that they hurt the ozone layer which protects earth from the sun’s strong rays. His findings surprised other scientists. By the end of the 1980s, nations across the globe had agreed to use substitutes for the destructive Freon chemical. In 2005, Molina joined the University of California, San Diego where he continues to study the chemical properties of air particles. He also works to improve the air quality of Mexico City.
The nations sentence has been reworked so the subject is relates to Molina like in other sentences.
Born in Mexico City in 1943, Mario Molina became fascinated with chemistry. After studying in Mexico, Germany, and France, Molina went to the University of California, Berkeley where he earned his Ph.D. He then worked at the University of California, Irvine where he studied Freon chemicals (used in coolants and aerosol cans) that buildup in the atmosphere. He discovered that they hurt the ozone layer which protects earth from the sun’s strong rays. His findings surprised other scientists. By the end of the 1980s, Molina’s research had convinced nations across the globe to use substitutes for the harmful Freon chemical. In 2005, Molina joined the University of California, San Diego where he continues to study the chemical properties of air particles. He also works to improve the air quality of Mexico City.
12. Split long sentences in two.
If you want people to understand what you are writing, keep your sentences shorter than 30 words long. You should split sentences with more than 30 words into two shorter sentences.
Too Long: California became part of the United States after the Mexican-American War ended in 1848, making the 7,500 former Mexican citizens living in California at that time United States citizens.
Just Right: California became part of the United States after the Mexican-American War ended in 1848. At that time, the 7,500 former Mexican citizens living in California became United States citizens.
“Mario Molina Biography.” Academy of Achievement. American Academy of Achievement, 12 Aug. 2013. Web. 03 July 2014.
Schmal, John P. “HispanicVista Columnists.” HispanicVista Columnists. HispanicVista.com, n.d. Web. 29 June 2014.
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If you have any ideas on how to improve this page about writing concisely, please e-mail them to Marci@RegalLessons.com.
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